Wednesday, February 27, 2008
It was when I first saw you, I felt so weak. When I get closer to you, I felt completely helpless.
Love's in the air. I was overjoyed when I found out that you have feelings for me. Before we'd became an item, do you remember how many emotion battles we have gone thru..? and to become strong-bonded? Trust in both of us make us an ideal couple.
For months, we've spent many happy memories together. It was only late January, things started to screw up. Everything just gone after you decided to give up on me.
I spoke of grief and misery for 14 consecutives days. And I've never smile. It completely broke me down.
argh! All else in my life belongs to you.. I couldn't help thinking of you - the losses of you and our happy memories. and wishing that you were mine again. These days I constantly remind myself to stop harbouring the unrealities.
But ..
You never know it .. I almost commit sucide.
Your accompany would make so much difference to my life. I have never felt so peace and comfortable before - lying close to you. I realized that I wanted you to think well of me, and every time I would also remind myself that love is impossible for both of us again. I decided to summon up my courage to forget you -
Your UNUSUAL habit started to breed. I say - You've changed. A big change. You started to be cold to me. And I fell down each time you poured your coldness to me and coming up with a comment like : Please feel free to look for a new stead if you're not please with me. OR Weren't you'll be more happy without me?
Hey.. How could I feel happy when each night I cried myself to sleep? What did other people (the meaning of new stead) mean when all I saw flying was my own despair and that of you? Those comments are more of a mockery that I had ever imagine. You got me to be a real failure. I sweared.
You are cruel. You left me cold and filled with dread. At that time, I really love you BEYOND ANY MORTAL BEINGS! I just hope that one day, in the name of rekindled love, we could once again confide each other. That would be really in love again.
But. but.. You have knocked my sense off - with your blunt words. And I believe that your love had dimmed long ago. Why didnt you tell me? what's the point of constant reminder of our eternal love, forever trust and hounor and that marriage? Come on, don't kid with me. You dont even love me anymore.. Why is there a need to lie and fake all about it. I still love you, and your true statement really meant alot to me. It isn't fun being to soak in doubt. You spoke easily of love, but did you really meant it?
I have a thirst for life that is not easily satisfied.
Im at the weakest point of my life. As seemed, my only source of energy came from the medicine given by the doctor. And of course with my half-dead heart. (For now.. It's dead. Thanks for being blunt to me. You killed it completely)
For days after we'd separated. I saw pain. Tears. Bitter laughs. It took so much courage to stand up. And many times - I failed. Again, I stand up ..
It took a million pieces of courage for me each time I passed thru those familiar places. I saw figures. There - my void deck - and it's where we spent most our sweet and happy memories. It always got me to hold back my tears and ran as far as I could. My heart just wrenched like hell.
It takes massive of couage, time, commitment of work to soften down those memories. There are many times i just wish I could leave these memory lanes; and fly as far as I could.
Thanks to time. Those entertaining cartoons. Phone chats. Friends & brothers' encouragements. Smses. Tuition classes ... Life might be boring without you, but will not as boring as how you turned me into a tearless stoneman.
Confusion. Trust. Love. All thanks to you, I feel no love, no trust, and no confusion.. I am just like a dumb stone. I can't fall tears. My heart is 100% stonage.
Sorry. I can't give you the happiness you wish for. Here, I wish you will find a better guy. You deserve to be treat better. I'm not suitable for you. God bless.
2:52 AM
